#115: I'm Going for It
Recently, in the comments section of a Facebook post, a friend of mine asked me if I had any intentions of publishing a book of my writing. Normally, that's the sort of comment I'd laugh off and say "Someday, maybe."
But now, someday is a lot closer. I have officially signed up with a publisher to release my first (because I think I have more than one in me) book. Which makes me barfy to say out loud, trust me. It feels like I'm exposing my soft underbelly by admitting that. And I didn't realize why until I had to fill out this really intense questionnaire my publishing company sent me.
The purpose of the questionnaire was to dig into my book idea (spoiler: it's about business) and also dig into me. The first part I was expecting. The second part, not so much. There were many questions about my ego, and how it stops me from being creative, which was a revelation. I've read other books that talk about the obstacles we create to our own progress—The War of Art is a great one—but this was the first time I'd actually been forced to delve into my own psychology and figure out why, exactly, I have never finished any of the books I've started. (And there have been many over the years.)
I'd say I didn't have time, or I didn't have ideas, but the real reason is that I didn't think what I had to write was good enough. Or that I was good enough at writing to make anyone want to read it. I'd compare my work to that of my favorite non-fiction authors and just crumple under the weight of the comparison.
Bottom line: I love to write, and I want to be an excellent writer, and I just wasn't sure I could be.
But as I've gotten older, and especially with the passing of my 40th birthday, I realized that the only way I'm ever going to find out if I can actually write an excellent book is to DO IT. So, here I am. Writing a book. I don't want you to get too excited, because we are still 12 months out (at least) from publication, but there you go, dear reader. Someday soon, you'll be able to pick up a whole book of my writing and use it to steady a table leg in your house!